In the 39 days I've been in Japan, and before that, I've often wondered why God decided to send me here. I'm sure there are several reasons, but as time passes, I've come to recognize one in particular.
I'm one of those people who, when deciding between struggling through something on their own for 30 minutes and doing it easily in 10 by asking for help, will choose the former. But I'm realizing that that's not easily accomplished in a country where I feel illiterate and incomprehensible most of the time. For instance, no matter how long I stare at a row of coloured liquids in similar bottles in a supermarket, I'm not going to have a revelation about which of them is the hand soap I want. And no matter how much time I spend "umm"ing and "aah"ing and "hai"ing on the phone with the gas company guy, the words coming out of his mouth aren't suddenly going to start making sense to me. . . or vice versa.
And so, out of necessity, I've started to humble myself. I've started to deal with the possibility that I might indeed look stupid if I'm holding a bottle that's, to the shop assistant, clearly labeled "soy sauce" and ask (in Japanese) "Is this soy sauce?" I'm getting used to constantly asking for directions, mostly by gesturing wildly, despite the possibility that the bewildered expression on my face might elicit a helpless one on response. And I'm getting used to asking Okia 17 times a day to call the cable company to set up an appointment, or to come over when the gas company guy is expected so she can translate for me (Poor Okia, she's spent almost every weekend since I got here with me, acting as translator, tour guide and furniture-building-helper. . . and now I'm moving 10 minutes away from her!)
I'm still not comfortable with asking for help and acknowledging my helplessness, feminine charm notwithstanding. But it's not a matter of comfort. It's a matter of swallowing my pride and being ok with sometimes looking and feeling stupid. I often feel overwhelmed and helpless and completely drained from the sheer effort of living in a place where I can't even read a label or fill out a simple form on my own. But I am slowly learning to live with that. And looking forward to the day when it finally all starts to make sense.
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8 comments:
Imagine all the people who learn these lessons every day, around the world, as they move from place to place. Yet, I like hearing your particular story. You are braver than you think, you know? (And humble is not far behind now! :)
Sounds a bit like my life at the moment, but stick with it, after a short while the kabbalistic symbols will start making sense and you'll be able to make yourself more and more understood.
In reply to your comment of a while back (sorry it's taken me so long to reply, but in this part of the world internet access is not only scarce but also expensive): the travelling will be over soon - money dictates. And yes, it will be very nice to lie in my own bed and not have to worry about packing it up or checkout times. Domesticity here I come!
Soo-Mee-Mah-Senn.
Take comfort in knowing that the Japanese appreciate humility, and so does your heavenly Father.
And soon, after you know a little more, you can be someone else's helper. :-)
No reason to feel helpless or overwhelmed. Personally, I think you have an incredible amount of courage, moving to a country where the language and culture is so different than your own. And as you said, you've only been there a little over a month. In time, once you get a feel for the place and a basic understanding of the language, I'm sure that you will move about with confidence. You deserve a lot of credit just for having the self-assurance to make the move.
I admire you for coping with a whole new lifestyel!
Good luck!
PS Send me some of the nice sweet and sour pork balls!
nixon, of course it'll all make sense. at some point. and im sure then, something else will cease to make sense, but thats just the way of the world. your friend is absolutely spot on - you are braver than you think. revel in the helplessness of it all. you my dea, are a star! thanks for sharing and as always, giving us something to think about. mwah!
Your post reminds me of when I first came to live in Canada. Of course, I didn't have to deal with a different language or a different alphabet, but so many things were different from the life I was used to. It was exciting and daunting at the same time.
Stick with it, I think you're very brave to take on such a challenge!
Happy Sunday!
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