Here's to friends. . . past, present and future

I've been worrying for the past few weeks about my apparent inability to make friends quickly. So many people in my programme seem to have already formed into little cliques that hang out on the steps of the J-school building after classes, that they make a bee-line for in the lecture hall, and that meet up afterwards to go to lunch or dinner. I, on the other hand, wander in, find a seat near the front (to avoid repeating my questions to lecturers, since my voice doesn't carry, NOT because I'm a nerd!!!), and wander out by myself again afterwards.

Comments when I was leaving London, along the lines of, "Oh, you're going back to school. You're going to make LOTS of friends," just increase my feelings of insecurity. Is it a given that you will just suddenly develop a magnetic personality and an irresistible sense of humour when you decide to go back to school? The fact that I'm a journalist, and thus should have no problem holding a conversation with complete strangers, and that I'm not very good at precisely this exercise, just makes things worse.

But over the last couple of days, I've decided that I just might be ok. Not because I've suddenly developed said personality and sense of humour. But, rather, because I've realised that I already have some really good friends. . . amazing people who know me pretty much inside out, and who don't give me panic attacks when I start a conversation with them.

I've been getting back in touch with many of these friends over the past few days. I went out to dinner with Ficali and Anj on Thursday, and with Nayam Qayam on Saturday. I had long phone coversations with Chris, Jag and Moose today. I haven't seen Anj, Nayam and Moose since 98. It's been ages since I've heard Chris' and Jag's voices. Despite the length of time that has passed, however, and despite how much older (and supposedly wiser) we are now, there's still much comfort to be drawn from the knowledge that I can be myself. . .my stumbling conversations, my lacklustre sense of humour. . . they don't matter to these people.

And although we have all grown and changed in different ways, in so many ways, we are still the same. Ficali is still her bubbly little self; Nayam's crises didn't stop her from wanting to know everything about me, and vice versa; Chris' warm queries about how I was adjusting to life in NYC reminded me of the days when she, Jeannie and I used to laugh until we cried in London; Jag's greeting of "MANGU!!!!!" reminded me of all her efforts to draw me out of my shell when I didn't even want to know anybody; hearing Moose's voice reminded me of how she and I used to talk about everything under the sun, laugh and cry together; and Anj's warm and caring personality, reminded me of the good old Kohdee days.

If I've ended up with friends like these, I must have done something right. Right? So, I guess I'll stop worrying, try a little harder to start conversations with my new classmates and leave the rest up to Him :-)