Update on cheeriness. . .

I must say. . . this whole going against the grain and being all happy and cheerful and chirpy is exhausting! I'm tempted to go back to being grumpy again. . . much less effort required.

Forward march

I am a depressive person. Ask anyone who knows me well, and they will, for the most part, agree with this assessment. Take, for instance, the times when I've had one glass of wine too many. Now when your inhibitions are lowered, your true feelings surface--if you're a happy person, you're a happy drunk, and if you're not. . . well, then tipsiness is a whole different experience. In my case, as my blood alcohol level rises, I start to ruminate on the unfair and pathetic nature of life--my life in particular--and the next thing you know, the tears, they're a-flowin'. Which just goes to show--I am a depressive person.

But I'm liking this whole new beginnings deal. New place, new life, new language, relatively new job, very few people I know. . . and I'm starting to think that I can make a go of this being happy thing too--for once. Like today. I learned something that would normally have sent me crawling off into the "depths of despair"*. Ok, I'm being a little dramatic. But it would definitely have put a damper on my mood, and at least a few tears would have been shed. But today, as I stepped on the brink of wallowing, I caught myself, sharply pulled myself out, and continued cheerily on, carefully sidestepping the angst and self-pity. For a moment, I felt the familiar pang at the thought of going back after work to my apartment and being alone with my thoughts. But I stopped myself. I've a fabulous apartment (that I've to move out of VERY soon), a nice relaxing evening, a weekend of house-hunting ahead, and a nice church to go to. And I shook off the fear and admonished myself. . . this too shall pass.

*Anne of Green Gables -- fabulous book, highly recommend it, for kids and grown-ups alike!

Update: my friend Yamu posted this in response to this entry on another site, and I thought it was beautiful. . .and true, and wanted to share it.

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost…I am hopeless
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit.
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

(from the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying)

A long time ago. . .

My friend Meri found some old photos of us in high school, and I thought I'd show how far we've come! I looked at everyone in these pictures and realized I'm still very much in touch with all of them. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

That's me in my favorite purple button-down shirt!
There it is again! I also had them in green, white and olive.
Here's the white one!

Eight random facts about Ini!

I've never been tagged for a meme before, so I'm very excited. Thank you Craver!

So here are a few random/strange facts about me.

1. I eat pizza backwards--starting from the crust, and finishing with the narrow end. This is because I had to eat everything my parents put on my plate when I was little, so I learned to eat the parts I didn't like much first, so I could then take my time to relish the bits I did.

2. I cheated on a Social Studies assignment when I was in 6th grade. The teacher caught me and took me to the office of the middle school co-ordinator (equivalent to the principal for the middle school) and told me I would probably be suspended. I was so traumatized by this that I have never cheated on anything since.

3. I still remember a dream I had when I was about four or five years old that an elephant ate Nev while I watched--it looked pretty painless, but was nevertheless quite alarming, although I felt no fear for myself (Any dream interpreters or budding psychoanalysts want to give this a shot?)

4. I bought a beautiful red rug when I went to Turkey for six weeks during my last summer in college--which were incidentally six of the best and the toughest weeks of my life-- and it has gone everywhere with me since. I think I've spent more money carting it from place to place than it cost me to begin with--but I will never part with it.

5. During my last few months in London, I was so restless that I went from one hobby (or plans of a hobby) to another at lightening speed, sometimes even before the plans actually came to fruition. Some of these passtimes: salsa dancing, cross stitching, building a doll's house, and learning Latin American Spanish.

6. While growing up, I was banished from eating with my family at the dining table because I couldn't eat if I wasn't reading a book at the same time. So it was off to the living room for Ini and her book.

7. We lived in a really old house while growing up, and a family of little mice had decided to join us there. My parents would lay traps for the mice and pour cement to block the holes they made, but I developed a rapport with them--during my mealtime banishment, I would put little bits of food at the opening of the hole and watch in fascination as they crept out cautiously and collected their regular meals. (what can I say? I was a weird kid!)

8. I associate butterscotch candy with injections because that was what my parents would give me to soothe me after my shots as a kid. . . yellow toffee in red cellophane wrappers.

I tag Erik, Cyberoutlaw, Ficali McPipe, Mivla, Michael Melcher, Mia

Today's developments. . .

*obtained new cell phone (yaaaay!!)

*applied for alien registration card

*opened a bank account

*got a subway commuter pass

*various odds and ends at work, including changing my address in my work profile to the Tokyo bureau, getting my phone changed to my name, getting onto the Tokyo server etc.

*got approval for more Japanese classes

Yesterday was my first day at work. As soon as I sat down at my desk, a feeling of complete disorientation and aloneness overcame me. I had expected work to be an anchor, the only thing that was consistent with my past life. But perhaps this expectation was too much and as soon as I realized the tiny differences in the way things are done here and in New York, I realized how different things really were,and how far I am from anything familiar. (And when the acting team leader here, who is going back to New York in two weeks informed me of that fact excitedly, I even had to swallow a lump in my throat. . . I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be longing for New York!)

The differences were tiny -- not having headphones, a much smaller and older TV (and no CNN International :() and a desk with no drawers -- and I feel silly now that such minor changes provoked the panicky, anxious feeling that welled up inside me. Now that I'm in a better mood, I'm even laughing at myself. But I have no doubt that throughout the coming days, it will be the small things that will provoke the greatest reactions. Because ultimately, we do sweat the small stuff.

Brunch and a visit to Meiji Shrine

Today dawned drizzly and dismal, but Okia and I stuck to our guns and met for brunch near Omate Sando, an area of the city lined with designer stores. After foregoing Japanese cuisine for coconut french toast with almond butter (yummmm! So much for my lofty goals of a healthier lifestyle after moving to Japan:S) we marched around some of the stores, window shopping and catching up on the past year, and comparing notes on Wednesday, Okia's cat who was under my custody until a couple of months ago . We then decided on a quick visit to the Meiji Shrine, a Shinto place of worship located within a beautiful wooded area, a real surprise in this city where space is at such a premium. We made it back just in time for the 4:00 service at Tokyo Union Church where I bid Okia farewell.

Below are some photos of the shrine:

Barrels of Sake on the way to the shrine. . . an offering?
The shrine itself
The shrine
A man sitting near the entrance to the shrine. . . not sure what he was doing.

Today's discoveries

* the closest McDonalds, Wendy's and Starbucks

* the neighbourhood DVD rental

* the closest subway station

* an all-Japanese bookstore (for future reference)

* about three convenience stores and two supermarkets

* that store-bought sushi in Tokyo's as good as most restaurant sushi in the West

* that I need to learn Japanese PRONTO!

First day in Tokyo

I arrived at Tokyo Narita Airport around mid-day yesterday, and decided to take the bus into the city so as to not miss the first sights of Tokyo. . . and promptly fell asleep. I did manage to catch a few glimpses on my taxi ride to my apartment from where the bus dropped me off. . . and it seemed pretty much the same as any big city, albeit a little quiet because of the Golden Week holiday.

I arrived at my lovely apartment, my home for the next month, courtesy of The Wire, and promptly descended into the bath tub for a long soak. And then I decided to venture out.

I had a map that the relocation company had sent me, and figured I could find my way around with it. . . although the fact that there were no street names marked on the map worried me slightly. I soon realized why. . . there are no street names on the STREETS!! Well, maybe there were some, but thanks to my lack of Japanese language skills, I couldn't tell the street names apart from the store names, or the building signs or any other names. I did manage to locate my nearest convenience store and supermarket (although whether I'll be able to find them again is yet to be determined!)

Today I will tackle the closest subway station. . . and tomorrow church and meeting Okia! Should be interesting. . .

(More to come on first impressions of Tokyo)
View from upper level balcony
Living area
Sleeping area
View from lower level balcony

Kitchen