I've been pondering the idea of settling lately. As in, settling for someone or something, not settling in a place. The mere word is so negative - that you are giving in, giving up, not aspiring towards something higher, something greater, that could be yours. But I've been thinking: wouldn't it be easier to settle for something, for someone, within reach, than to always be thinking that there's something better, something greater, and never being content?
If you're always aspiring towards something better, you are never happy with what you have now. Sure, what you are aspiring to will, if achieved, make you happy, but what if you never get there? What if you are deluding yourself that you will attain it at some point, and spend your life chasing something that might never become yours? Or perhaps not even chasing, but just in the conquest of some vague idea that there's something better out there, and what you have now is not good enough.
After all, where people are concerned, aren't we told that it's better to settle, to be with someone who loves us than with someone who we love? We are told that we should, in essence, settle for someone whom we might consider mediocre, because they love us, rather than look for someone who might seem to be a better option, be better looking, have a better job, a better income, and more importantly, be someone we love? (assuming that all of these don't come in one package for many). Should we follow this piece of advice, or throw it to the winds and wait for that person who will make us love them as we've never loved before? And if we never do find that person, well, at least we refused to settle, right?
Which is the better option?
I don't know where I'm going with this. I've just been thinking about this, as I've been a little disturbed about where my life is headed, and because I always seem to be wanting something better, always feeling as if there's something better just within reach, and if only this one thing would happen - or, in my case, if I can keep myself from doing that one thing that always seems to mess everything up - I could be that much happier.
As a Christian, what I should be doing is to trust that God knows what He's doing, and leave it up to Him. But, while my heart wants to do that, my head wants to be its own boss, and continues to wonder and worry and fret and fear. Or perhaps it's the other way round?
Anyway, looks like where I'm headed at the moment is a post about the meaning of life. So dear readers, be ready!
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3 comments:
Half the time I think I should just settle down and not worry about fellowships, grants, futures and careers that are meaningful. Just go with ordinary and average and over time that will balance itself out positively.
And the other half of the time, I think of my dreams and my ambitions, and my hopes, and how I want to carve out something truly worthwhile for myself, so that at the ed of my life, I can say that I have lived.
I think the key is to throw caution to the wind, and just reach for your dreams. But to also take a step back from time to time and pat yourself on the back, realize how much you do have. And also, from time to time, when things don't work out (you don't get that dream job, you don't get that fellowship), realize (a) Theres more to life - this is when you turn to your friends and family and your spiritual strength for comfort, and (b) recognize that you don't know where what you do get will lead you to.
I’ll have a go at an allegory (I think that’s the figure of speech I need):
You find your driver’s licence and are now shopping for a car. You want the Mercedes, but you ‘settle’ for some second hand Ford, which is not too pretty and is none too fast. But then you look at your new car that you settled for and you add a few touches. You shine it, you play nice music when you drive. You take your friends out with it. On the highway, your car can’t quite zoom by like the others, but this lets you enjoy the view more. You get nice seat covers, funny gizmos on the dashboard. You thereby transform the car into a cherished possession.
Lesson? Settling is not the end. It is the beginning.
The allegory works even better w/ people. You settle for A because he has some charm, you laugh with him, he is kind, nice. Is he perfect? Hmmm you never know. But hey after you settle you can discover him and the joint efforts/interests of the two of you will lead you to unimagined places. Of course what if might linger. But only once you settle can you let things grow.
Says the person who does not settle. But those who can’t do, teach; as the saying goes.
(PS if you ever read Martin Amis’s ‘Money’ you might appreciate the semi-colon. If not then too bad.)
Thanks for that insight. Maybe settling isn't settling after all, but a hasty quest for what seems best right here, right now :-)
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