At one time or another, we've all been through it. We stand in front of a (metaphorical) closed door, faced with two choices. We can either open it and deal with whatever is behind it, or we can leave it shut and never know.
I've been asking myself which course I would take. Would I rather know, even if the answer turns out to be something I really don't want to hear, or would I prefer to let it remain unknown.
When faced with this dilemma in the past, I've always opted to know, no matter how painful. And painful it has been. But the need to know has always trumped the fear of getting hurt. "I just want to know! I can handle anything as long as I know!" But then, more often than not, when I have found out, I've realized that I'd have been better off not knowing. Surely the wise people who came up with sayings like "ignorance is bliss," and "what you don't know can't hurt you" were right. No?
I'm in a situation now where I could either let the door remain shut and retreat quietly, or open it and face one of two possible solutions -- one that I want -- very much -- and one that I don't -- very much. If I leave it, there won't really be any adverse effect -- after all, if I don't know what could have been, I can't really count it as loss. On the other hand. . . oh, the possibilities if it turns out to be what I want! And yet, even as that unconscious smile begins to appear at the thought of what could be, I'm reminded of what the alternative could mean.
But the familiar mantra is never far away. If only I knew. I could deal with anything, if I just knew!! I can't stand not knowing!
In the end, I know I will choose to find out. I am, after all, in the business of finding things out. I just hope I can deal with the consequences.
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5 comments:
If it helps, a wise old man once said to me
"Oh no! I've pooped my pants"
I am not sure what you will learn from this aprt from keep away from old men with brown trousers but I wish you well with your chice.
Go for it...go on! give it a go!
(but do not come crying to me if it is the wrong choice!)
Good luck my friend!
Ugh. I HATE that scenario. I just went through a similar experience. Of course I chose to know. I am not a happy camper. Although in my case, I think I would have found out eventually anyway, and I would have rather found out sooner than later. Anyway, all the best as you decide--and with the aftermath of your decision.
Don't forget to take into the calculus the consequences of your action on the other person who is involved. It's all very well and good for you to say that you are of the journalistic persuasion, and that you won't rest until you have unturned every single stone in your path. But beware of leaving carnage behind in your wake. In the past, I've thought that Ive historically been too selfless, and thus it's my duty to myself to find out what I need to know in order to make myself get over something. I've realised that there is also a duty to someone else.
Finally, I have to say that sometimes it's pointless to know the answer when we already sense it or feel it in our hearts. If something's not meant to be, chances are that you know that is the case. Just finding out because you want to make sure you did everything you possibly could to change the other person is not necessarily a healthy approach.
I say always go for knowing. If we never opened the door to knowledge (however unpleasant it might turn out to be) then we'd be stuck in the stone age. The important thing is not to regret the decisions you make, even when they don't turn out as you would like.
As for the cycling, the cold is actually quite good as you don't sweat too much and the exertion warms you up. Much worse is rain!
Even when we think we "know" ahead of time, how small and thin that knowing seems when we look back with the truer knowledge of having lived through it, whatever "it" turns out to be.
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