Over the past few days, I've been hit by two realizations--1. how much things have changed, and 2. how little things have changed, since I graduated from high school.
What brought about this realization was finding someone I've been out of touch with for a long time. . . someone who was very much like a little sister when I was growing up. When I was a child, I very much wanted a baby sister, so when my family moved next door to hers, I eagerly embraced the role of big sister to her and her sister. I vividly remember, when she was about 7, someone made her cry--I can't remember the reason, or who it was--and she came running to me, threw her arms around me and burst into tears. When I came to the U.S. for college, she was still in middle school. I saw her again a couple of times when I went back to visit, and, while she had grown and matured the way most people do with the passage of time, I could discern no drastic change.
When I found her again--more of a (possibly unwelcome) entry into the fringes of her consciousness than actually getting back in touch--I realized how much she's grown and changed. I now feel very intimidated by this person my "baby sister" has grown into. I suddenly feel old and out of it (not that I was ever really "into" it), frumpy and awkward and old-fashioned compared to this popular, beautiful young woman who seems so sure of herself and is clearly adored by those around her.
And at the same time, I realized how little I've changed. For better or worse, most people who knew me 10-12 years ago will look at me and instantly recognize me as the Ini I was in high school. Sure, circumstances have changed, and I am older (and hopefully wiser), but other than the changes that time has wrought, I am still the same person. . . through college, work, London, grad school, and work again. Even now, my closest friends are those I went to high school with half way across the world.
So, I wonder. . . would I be as shocked at the changes in others if I'd changed more myself?
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6 comments:
I think most of essential components of our personalities are established very early on, and the most noticeable changes are cosmetic, superficial, or due to the progression of age. People I knew as stubborn children became stubborn adults and so forth. Some settled down a bit while others opened up a bit over time, but they were still the same kind of people I always knew them to be.
You! Old and frumpy? Not judging by your profile photo, you look lovely! She propably looked at you and maybe feeling the same thoughts and wondering why she has not turned out like you.
I disagree with you - having known you for 11 years counting, I'd say that you've changed tremendously since high school days. I'm not saying you're radically different. Your core values are largely the same, but I would say you're definitely not who you were when you were 18.
I wonder how you feel you are fundamentally the same... it is true that some of our traits just follow us wherever we go in the world...
and I also wonder what you wish would change.
I have changed a lot in my life, but I am still surprised about how many ways I haven't ghaged. And how many things that I love to do which I have loved to do for many many years. Actually, I find that comforting. Maybe I think it shows stability.
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