I have just realized that, by this time next month, all my classes will be finished. The final version of my last story for by Business and Economics reporting class is due on May 9. The final story for Columbia News Service will be done on April 28. And I have no idea what's happening in my Computer Assisted Reporting class, and don't care much, to be honest.
So, a year. . . somewhat turbulent and horrible at times, but also one where I've learned a great deal, personally, academically and professionally, is coming to an end. I suppose my feelings throughout this year have been primarily negative, mostly because of the sheer stress of depending on others to determine how well I do, and not having the strength of a real publication behind me to lend me some credibility. It's been tough at times. . . heck, most of the time. . . but it's been a sort of baptism by fire. It is one of those experiences that are difficult while going through it, but afterwards, you look back and realize how much it helped you grow. Approaching the end of this year, I am looking back and realizing that I am coming out having learned a lot more than I expected, and prepared to learn a lot more as I go on. In some ways, I'm tougher, both as a person and as a journalist; in others, I'm a lot softer, more empathetic, more aware of the state of affairs in the world, and wanting to make a difference.
For a long time, I lived -- somewhat deludedly -- telling myself, "Je ne regrette rien," perhaps because I did have a lot to regret, but chose not to face it. But now, I accept that there are many things I wish could have done differently during the past year, in school, work and in relationships. . . most of which were within my control. But since there is not much to be done about these, the key is to look forward. I still have one more month, and as I look at my bookshelf full of unread books, the freelance stories I never got around to writing or selling, and the friends I never managed to make -- or managed to lose -- I tell myself. . . I still have a month to do all these things. Will it happen? I don't know. Probably not. But, one can always try. . .
*If you are wondering what the point of this vague post is, I'm not entirely sure myself. Just looking back and randomly reminiscing. . .
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4 comments:
I never really understood the "regret nothing" school of thought. Inevitably, one will look back, I believe, and realize that there were things that could hvae been done better, differently. This is just a natural process of reflection, self-evaluation, and, indeed, it helps you prepare for the future since you reach conclusions about how you will react in the future. The key, of course, is not to let the regrets stultify you to the point you view everything in your life as misfortune that cannot be fixed.
Cb.
I think the "regret nothing" school of thought is pretty much a form of denial. Of course everyone has something they regret. But some of us choose to not acknowledge it, I guess partly because there's not much that can be done, except for, as you say, to learn from it, and do things better in future. Then again, some of us never do learn, and keep repeating the same mistakes anyway :(
I had no idea that you were on the fast track to graduation. I thought it was like two years or something. I guess it's a lot like Stephanie. Get in, get out and find a job. Blessings as you pursue what's next.
Dill dill, it's not a fast track. The normal program here is only one year -- I guess they figured no one could survive two years in it!! And thanks!!
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