Why is it that rejection hurts so much, even when the object of your desire didn't mean all that much to begin with? Why do you feel so bad when you don't get that job you weren't all that keen on anyway? Or when that person you've known for less than a week and have the tiniest of crushes on decides that he/she don't want you?
Is it because it's a blow to your self-esteem that you were unable to get even something or someone you didn't even want all that badly? Or is it the realisation that the something or someone that didn't seem at all essential has suddenly become all-important in the brief interval between the almost-attainable phase and the slap-in-the-face rejection phase?
You do get over it quickly, for, in the larger scheme of things, the small rejections don't affect you all that much. But, while the sting of the rejection lasts, it makes you - ok, why am I hiding behind the second person? - me really question myself, and shines a glaring light on all my inadequacies, laying bare and magnifying every thing wrong with me. Was this why I didn't get it? I thought this might be a reason for him not to like me - now, I know it is.
PS:
Nev will probably tell me off for this post, and I should probably not publish this, but oh well. . .
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7 comments:
I guess it hurts more now that we're older because we are mostly used to success...so the small rejections hit you harder.
used to success? speak for urself!! :-)
That's a really insightful post. I've been feeling a bit like that as well, but couldn't quite put my finger on it till you spelt it out for me. So thanks. FMP
Its intrinsic to feel that way.Belief in yourself for what you are. Others may have experienced the same feeling from you without your knowledge. You are not alone
Gunam
speak for myself? wouldn't you call finishing school, finding jobs, living by ourselves success? Maybe we dont want very many ridiculous things but even with limited wants, we end up getting MOST things we want, don't we?
So when we want something and DON'T get it, it feels quite crummy
I think it's pride most of the time. I like to think i'm good enough for most things - or at least HOPE that I am good enough for most things - and when I found out I'm not (i.e., i have been rejected by someone/ something), then off to a little depressing hole to lick my wounds.
I have a friend who does not tell me anything about himself, but loves to know all about what is going on with me. And sometimes I'll mention to him I'm curious about his the goings-on in his life, and he'll move on to other topics. And now I've realized it's about pride -- his and mine. he doesn't like revealing things about himself b/c he likes the idea of being a shy, private person, but then he's upset that he wasn't "good enough" or "close enough" to be told certain private things about my own life.
Pride, pride, pride.
Caveboy
(you can tell I had a lot to say about this)
I don't think it's always pride though. Sometimes, it can just be that you are afraid that the worst things you think about yourself could be true. Maybe that is a kind of pride - I don't know.
And re your friend, - I think your reaction, to shrink away from him - is natural. But, for him, it might, again, not be pride. Maybe he thinks you are not really interested in knowing what's happening in his life, and are just asking to be polite (not because of anything you are communicating, but because of the way he perceives himself, that nobody could really be interested in knowing what's happening with him). And when you don't share with him, which is your natural reaction, it seems to reaffirm what he's feeling, that you don't really want to be close to him. Do I make sense? I might be completely off the mark about your friend, but sometimes, what seems like pride is actually the opposite - a lack of confidence and an extremely low self-esteem.
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